On Monday of week two, nearly the whole senior school went to the zoo! Everyone was excited to see lots of the animals that was there. When we got there, we were allowed to look around the Australian and other parts of the zoo before we got told about most of the animals that we were going past. So my group (Daniel, Jade Jing Long my mum and I) first saw the giraffes and zebras. I thought that they looked really cool because I had never seen any zoo animals because I've never been to the zoo and I noticed that they all had really cool patterns. Then after we had taken some photos, we saw the frightening lions! There was three but only one of them was visible to basically everyone. There was a second one behind the hill but I think that there was a third one inside. After that, we saw the amazing hippopotamuses! They were being lazy by lying in the burning sand doing nothing. Next to the hippopotamuses were the fighting seagulls! They were flying around probably to scare each other. Then we were able to see the red pandas! It was soooo cute!! Daniel managed to get a picture of it hanging upside down! We were waiting for my mum to finish taking photos because it was taking up quite a bit of our time. Once she finished, we saw the lemurs because they were right next to each other. My mum took some more photos. Then we had to look for Central Garden. Turns out that it's right next to the red pandas. Then we got "toured" around the New Zealand part of the zoo. I found the zoo trip very interesting and very cool because it was my first time to the zoo!
Pretty much perfect, good use of punctuation and words I think you could have made it more exciting by use better words, because the reader could have fallen asleep quite fast! I rate it 99.999999999999% (:
Teacher: When you peer assess, don't forget to put your name!
I like the adjectives you have added Anthony. Could you add some more?
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